We emerge from the seditary rain,
shrieking laughter into the empty halls
of bookcases, where echos are snitched
in the middle of aisles, on the bottom of
paper cups.
Here is where we are aware of our
skidmark on society. In my own arms, I
inch forward, driving fingers farther into
the depths of our commonplace minds.
My nails scrape the nethermost walls of our
bodies and still, I drive further until
my knuckles bend and bleed,
until I can hardly see and your
burning through my open-hearted skin.
So take
us into these wooden hollows, where you
will sap us into molasses, where I can spend my
winter softly seeping across texts and
wonder when you'll be ready for the
next, the next delivery.
These words are etched on
shallow skin.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like it. Terrific imagery - I especially love the bit
Wonderful. This is very nice. Keep writing - I'd love to read more!
(Oh, there's just one little spot of grammar trouble... a "your" that should be a "you're" I believe...
The imagery was impressive, I liked it a whole lot. (I'm bad with poetry, though, so don't expect much) It made me think of Barns and Nobles, and I'm still wondering if it was meant to... Because I suppose poetry can be interpreted in anyway, really.
) Very impressive, IMO
My only problem is: What is with the space before 'next'? That bothered me a little, only because there was no ending after 'the' and it just seemed really strange to see 'the' at the end of the stanza/line/phrase etc.
Anyway, though, it gave me really impressive imagery. you say 'driving finger nails farther' and I see someone digging in dirt with dirt hands and nails, or 'I can spend my winter' and I see cold and isolation (Thats my idea of winter